Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Dr. Stranglelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hair

I have run a decryption analysis on Donald Trump's tweets and learned that his head is a small, thermonuclear device, the hair hiding the detonators and much of his gray matter being displaced or compacted rendering the frontal-lobe functions all but inoperable. This explains how a person with so much inherited wealth can behave as though he is under constant threat of annihilation.

He is. In the tweets there are encoded messages with vestiges of his humanity crying out and hoping to break the grip of the bomb's programming and protocols which enslave him and cause the compulsive, nonsensical, attention-garnering behavior. It's all a cry for help. His real personality--slothful, self-indulgent and weak-willed--is imprisoned and encapsulated within the confines of the bomb-casing of his head.

My sources in New York tell me that Trump's sexual proclivities are rumored to include asphyxiation, uncertainly of which participant, but it could undoubtedly trigger whatever fail-safe mechanisms are associated with the bomb, in anticipation of its host's demise, and cause it to detonate, providing the climax, perhaps, that Donald has always wanted, though it's now possible that the national seat of government will be destroyed as well. The threat is considered remote but real. 

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