Good Fortune

I have had some bad luck lately, being ripped off and maligned by people I trusted. Even in this instance it wasn't malice but incompetence, with a hint of familial mental illness in the case of one person. It disrupted a profound attachment I have to some seasonal rituals, including the pepper harvest and its preservation.

But I am more aware than ever how unbelievably fortunate I am. I have been trending that way and the occasional spate of "bother," as the Brits would put it, only ends up intensifying my sense of good fortune. I am looking out now at the beautiful views at my place, a property I have been evolving for thirty years. 

I can eat whatever I want anytime, work crosswords on a tablet, take saunas and swim in a small pond, and listen to music and stream movies and shows. The hardest thing is not to take it all for granted, to be more aware that I am only passing through and that there will be a day when I would give anything for more of it.

As a kid I was imprisoned in a mess of mental illness and paternal inadequacy. So what? Nobody cares. But I think it made me as grateful as I am, which isn't enough, and I will continue to try to do better. And I will buy a lot of peppers at the farmer's market and preserve them. Thank you, Katie, for the suggestion.