America's fart health has been deemed excellent after a checkup involving a general assessment of frequency, potency and gross emissions. Also employed was an EAG, and Electrical Ass-o-Gram, to see if the internal, fart-producing components were in good shape. All was well and splendid.
The testing was initiated by reports of extraordinary activity. America was found to be in a fantastic state of anal gaseous generation. Those on the receiving end, the millions and millions of people being farted at and shit upon, were not happy at this news, that America was simply doing what came naturally.
Americans, it was seen, have become the biggest pigs in world history.
And they have committed themselves to that path no matter what. Venezuelan oil is an example. You want it, you take it, because America is special and the rules don't apply to you. Iran has proved a tougher nut. Americans were high on their own farts when it came to that. And Iran is farting back.
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