Making Adultery Great Again

Catholics who voted for Trump must be thrilled with his choice for ambassadress to the Vatican. She spread her legs for Newt and—voilà!—she’s qualified to represent America and American Catholics before the pontiff. Newt himself is waddling around there and, no doubt, feasting his ass off at the finest restaurants in and around Rome.

Callista taped a nice Christmas greeting. To me, her appointment is an astonishing insult to Catholics but I will trust that the Trump voters among them knew what they were doing and that they rejoice at the wonderful humanitarian policies Trump is implementing and the Christian charity, humility and good works he evidences every day.

It testifies to the great American economy and to the honor and generosity of its citizens that we can afford to pour pasta down the throat of Newt Gingrich. Callista, too! They must be making invaluable contributions to intercultural and culinary understanding and furthering the principles of chastity, decency, and care for the poor.

And, thank God, Newt is finally too hideously fat, ugly and out-of-shape to pursue another affair. Or, so we assume. How many would that be? I lost count.