For fear of being bombed and at Trump's insistence on having an award the Nobel Committee has instituted the Piece of Shit Prize to placate Trump and to keep him from bombing them. Trump couldn't come because he was busy bombing but he sent Mike Johnson because Johnson is basically out of a job. Trump usurped all his powers and duties with Johnson's acquiescence.
Johnson offered the Committee a preachment on how they're all secularists doomed to hell and about the red heifer project to help fulfill prophecy and usher in the end times as is God's will. Johnson said he was in touch with God on a secure line so not to worry. Also he said the end times would be wonderful on balance at least for those who are saved so not to worry about that either.
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