Yielding to Trump's insistence on having an award and from fear of being bombed the Nobel Committee has instituted the Piece of Shit Prize to placate Trump but Trump couldn't come. He was busy bombing the shit out of Iran so he sent Mike Johnson because Johnson is basically out of a job. Trump usurped all his powers and duties with Johnson's acquiescence and approval.
Johnson offered the Committee a preachment on how they're all secularists doomed to hell and on the red heifer project to help fulfill prophecy and usher in the end times as is God's will. Johnson said he was in touch with God on a secure line so not to worry. Also that the end times would be wonderful on balance at least for those who are saved so not to worry about that either.
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