Lindsey Graham Gets His Head Stuck Up Trump's Ass

I've been thinking about the New York Times and how they might get a grip on things seeing how the Onion has been better at it for some time. I'll admit the Onion has an advantage because the material requires a satirical approach. 

Hence the headline above, which conveys more about Lindsey than traditional reporting and his position in relation to Trump and the state of Lindsey's soul and his eating habits. It's truer. And interesting. I mean, does Trump's rectum reek cheeseburger? 

Inquiring minds, you know. And, were the jaws of life required to get his head out? Did the EMTs work it on the spot or did they require transport? Was Trump able to walk with Lindsey up his ass? A witness has said he was incredibly imbedded.

So the idea is for the Times to buy the Onion and have an 'Onion Day' every week, maybe Wednesday. Nothing but satire, to balance things out. There's lots and lots of material but little thematic variation. How many ways are there to kiss ass?

So there will have to be articles with a strong human interest angle to keep it real. 'How Ass-kissing Killed My Marriage' 'What To Do About Chapped Ass' 'Does Ass-kissing Constitute an In-kind Transaction' And 'How To Conquer Ass Breath' 

These will be a foil to the Times's usual coverage, which was widely deemed to favor the sociopathic candidate because it was more or less impossible to convey the truth of it/him without scatological reference or appearing biased. Which they were. 

In effect, in favor of the sociopath. Oh, well. Last time the death toll stayed below a million. Excess COVID deaths. Not too bad. Sometimes being responsible requires that you take sides. And they didn't. Not enough. Well, fuck them forever. 

And let's try a little satire.