Bill Bennett’s Book of Virtues (2018 Revision)

(This pronouncement supersedes and replaces all of my earlier work prior to the advent and ascendency of Donald Trump, or somewhere in there. Please ignore anything previously written that could be construed as critical of his way of life and mode of being.)

The truth is what Donald Trump says it is. Bankrupting the government is a good thing. Destroying the Middle Class is a good thing. Destroying the Middle East is fine because we need their oil, Arabs are idiots, and I am a fat, wealthy white man. Destroying South and Central America with our demand for drugs is a shame but shit happens. George Bush's presidency is an example of American accountability, rectitude and moral responsibilty for the ages, besides being evidence for the efficacy of old-fashioned manliness. 

Barack Obama is bad -- no justification needing to be given. Donald Trump can take a shit on the Resolute Desk and it doesn't matter because he will appoint only conservative judges, especially to the Supreme Court, saving America from the liberals. Liberals are bad--no justification needing to be given. I wasn't serious about Donald Trump taking a shit on the Resolute Desk. But, if he does, by accident, I will clean it up if I have to because there are more important issues at stake. I am Bill Bennett, a fat, wealthy white man.

And I approve of Donald Trump.