Then my mother got sick and died. Meanwhile, all of the other structures I thought unshakable and permanent began to weaken and decline. My father was too stunned and overwhelmed to counteract the chaos. It wasn't that bad, by some standards.
But it was to me because I hadn't been "hardened off" when I was younger. I didn't have the boundaries and defenses. I look back now on my vision of myself from the inside and compare it to my actual behaviors and to how I must have appeared.
I was a mess. Shame sets in. I had no "safe place" to enable me to recover. My childhood home had become a place of unrest and pain and there was nowhere else. People need safe spaces--especially children but even as adults. We have none now.
Trump has seen to that. Anyone who thinks they are safe is uninformed. And people who don't feel secure act out. They lash out and misbehave. It's not admirable but it's understandable. Shame sets in. Denial sets in. If it's bad enough it can't be faced.
The people have to die, symbolically or actually. That is where we are heading--some kind of death and then possibly a rebirth. Symbolic death and rebirth is easier and a more likely outcome but it doesn't rule out a lot of actual death among the innocent.
Our entire society might implode or end up in the ditch, collateral to the crash-out of the addicts. It is all from within. We have no rational threats. We are our own enemies. Primitive shit kicks in when people feel unsafe and Trump pushes every button imaginable.
It's the only real talent he has. He is a born a bully and a troll, with one reaction to every challenge, to smash and humiliate anyone who resists him. THIS man is supposed to be responsible for the “rule of law” in our culture. It isn't just a travesty. It's a horror.
Pray for the ditch. Pray for a symbolic death and a possibility of recovery. It's the best we can hope for now.
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