Duct Tape!

The White House has issued a plea for cartons and cases of duct tape--whatever anyone has at hand or will donate--to try to hold together Trump's failing presidency long enough for them to get their bearings, stop walking into doors, explore escape routes and figure out if anything, including their own careers and assorted, associated perks, can be salvaged. The situation is dire and desperate. 

A band is playing inspirational tunes but circumstances are too chaotic to give an assessment of morale or of the survivability of the institutions themselves, the shells into which the molten iron of incompetence has been poured and solidifies as it simultaneously sets fire to everything around it, so, add to that request some duct tape with asbestos, recently unbanned and deregulated over at the EPA. 

Don't worry, foreign workers have been employed to apply all toxic materials. It's the least they can do for our wonderful country in return for the beneficences it has bestowed on them before they are unceremoniously deported to some third-rate, third-world hellhole to live out their lives in despair and filth as God obviously intended or He wouldn't have made Donald president in the first place.