Thom Thumb

There's a real possibility that North Carolina will be sending a remarkable, reactionary guy to the Senate in Washington to stem the tide of wasteful spending on nonsense like school lunches. But those outside the state may not know of the great exploits and adventures of Thom Thumb.

Whose determination and persistence have earned him the admiration of all who know him. His tiny stature belies his enormous will and pluck. He is the champion of minority everything. His minority, that is. Smallness, in size or numbers, is compensated for with tactical aggression and massive infusions of cash.

By means of which Tiny Thom has wrested control of North Carolina from an African element determined to loll about waiting for hard working, productive, European types to show up with a truck full of watermelon and fried chicken for them to eat. Naive, native Northerners will be kept from this fate by Thom when he exerts himself at the national political level.

So the whole country may be saved from sloth by Thom, and from the loitering masses hoping for free shit. This is the reality uncovered by Thom and his compatriots, they themselves having witnessed the enormous envy of the darkies sweating their balls off working in the sun while the the white folks knock down the lemonade in the shade.

And they understand all too well how all that ball-sweating has instilled in the laborers an unusual craving for shade and lemonade and the easy life, the realization of which would obviously destroy the country. Now Thom and his allies have managed to forestall all that by shifting the burden of labor to China and elsewhere.

But those people are getting the craving. It's a huge problem, which can only be solved by folks like Tiny Thom, who have themselves seen the envy in the eyes and understand its power. The craving must first be kept in check at home, later in the coolie countries currently under active exploitation.

All the while the search goes on frantically for additional resources, human or otherwise, to keep Thom Thumb in his accustomed and rightful place. The free shit stops with him. It must. No real reason, but Thom and his crowd got used to it. It would be so unfair to take it away.