Saturday, June 18, 2022

Musk Buys College, Eyes Town While in Manic Phase

Elon Musk has bought Elon University, in North Carolina, because he 'liked it' and announced he has also bought up some of the town and intends to buy up more. He was heard to mutter it was all 'funny-money anyway' and that it felt cool and he hoped the town wasn't infested with bots like Twitter. 

It seemed to be okay, he said he thought, but that he would raise hell and start selling off stuff and canceling deals if a bot infestation were discovered. He was also overheard quietly uttering things about Trump and eminent domain and martial law. Entrepreneurs and geniuses, he said, had certain rights.

These are not to be fucked with by anyone or all kinds of bad shit will ensue, according to Musk. He has his destiny, he seems to be saying, or some kind of divine sanction or is himself a kind of god. So, stand down if you're tempted to challenge him. And this applies to the collective will of everyone.

I mean the government. He means the government. Leave him alone, notwithstanding the amazing enabling the government does to allow people like him an easy ride to astonishing riches. That's all fine. Musk is deserving and better than the rest of us. A superior being. And don't you fucking forget it.

If people's lives get destroyed or they get hurt because of his impulses it's a shame but a small price to pay to have such excellence and unalloyed brilliance at large in the land. He admitted he had no idea why he bought the school and that he had no idea what he would do with it but he said he meant well. 

He thought he meant well but it was hard to tell when he was in a manic phase. Presumably, he wouldn't inadvertently trash the place but if he did it would need to be balanced against all the good he has done just by existing in a state of such fantastic creativity, to say nothing of Tesla and the rockets and shit.

A manifesto would follow, he said, or a bunch of tweets if he couldn't muster the coherence for a manifesto, outlining his plans for doing whatever the fuck he wants and speculating about how it might play out for himself and the world and a bunch of students. But, understand there is no stopping him.

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