Lunacy

Someone I know with inside information has revealed to me that there is a secret group drafting bills in anticipation of the day when Republicans can pass whatever legislation they want. This group, recognizing that America is indebted to England for its laws and traditions, has decided to revive the transportation of criminals, because it worked out so well before.

England not only got rid of a lot of bad elements but succeeded in founding outposts, later colonies and countries, loyal to the Crown, a two-fer. The new, American version will begin by colonizing the moon with convicts. They will be landed there and continue to be landed until they find a way to survive, then they will be granted statehood.

Critics contend that the entire colony will expire the instant the doors are opened on the landing vehicle, but the bill's sponsors believe this difficulty will only spur innovation, necessity being a mother, you know. Also it is assumed that very few people will arrive alive since they will mostly kill one another en route, being criminals and such.

Only good outcomes are possible, in other words, once you get rid of the people, and it's so hard to get rid of people these days, the planet and prisons being so full, a problem which has been vexing Republicans for years. Most methods of mass-elimination have been hard to implement due to legal restrictions and political correctness.

But Republicans contend that the moon is no more inhospitable than Australia, back in the day. A reality show is also planned. Cameras will be installed in the prisons and shuttle vehicles. Relatives will be interviewed to humanize the thing, since average people may have trouble identifying with the criminal element.

Halliburton has agreed to furnish all the necessary hardware and infrastructure in a no-bid contract as stipulated in the bill. In fact, the whole thing will be managed privately to promote free enterprise and efficiency. It has been noted, however, that Republicans are working very hard behind the scenes.

In order to get all their friends and relatives out of jail before the bill passes. You may want to do the same.