My Goodness!

Pirate and plunderer Mitt Romney himself has deigned to come to my state! America's elite is unhappy that Butler Barack, the guy who got hired to manage the old estate while it was engulfed in flames, has failed to do what they wanted. It was unclear to the underlings that Mitt and his wealthy friends actually wanted the old homeplace burned.

And it's still standing through the valiant efforts of Butler Barack. There's a lot of smoke lingering and the place is pretty charred, but it's recognizably the old residence built by some air-headed idealists named Jefferson and Adams and Hamilton and Madison. We all thought they wanted it saved, out of sentiment or as an artefact of the old ways, at least. So sorry, Mitt!

The estate was an entire functioning economy unto itself: made stuff, sold stuff, employed people, with lots of rituals and traditions. Oh, we will miss it, but Mitt and the mandarins have condemned it on grounds of inefficiency. There's old capital stock, outdated means and methods, and bad management based on some bizarre model called "Checks and Balances."

But what a great idea we now have! The old edifice and grounds are just perfect for a Halloween house, what with all the smoke and cinders and decay. In Chapel Hill, where I live, there's an enormous Halloween bash every year, a costume party which takes over the entire center of town, mostly Franklin St. That Halloween party is our model.

There are all these jobless and homeless people wandering the old estate in rags, unfortunate casualties in the new plantation economy. We will pretend they are in costumes from feudal Russia. It can only raise their spirits, make them again feel that they belong and have a home and some hope for the future, for the day, at least.

Mitt and his supporters will probably attend parties in the country clubs and gated communities, or just hang out in one of their houses, so our party should be earthy and informal and fun. There won't be rich folks running around dressed up in expensive costumes inspiring envy, I mean, and putting an uppity edge on everything.

Which is only right, since they have created a kind of parallel, doppelganger country of their own. Good luck to them all, that's what I say. I'm so pleased about the party I can't really fault them right now. So this is your invitation. Please come and remember, heavy on the despair and decay. Go goth, if you will.

When it comes to your costume. It's the new reality in America.