Interviewer: Many people, including legal scholars, have accused you of overseeing the obliteration of the rule of law in America in favor of a totalitarian, authoritarian state. How do you respond to that?
John Roberts: I don't give a shit.
I: Could you expand on that?
JR: I had to pretend I cared about the law and the Constitution and endure years of humoring liberals and legal academics but I despise them, especially liberals, and think they're idiots and unworthy of having any say in how we're governed. I have enormous contempt for average citizens. I think they're sheep. Wouldn't you say I've been proven right?
I: I'm asking the questions here. Do you not care at all about the law?
JR: Fuck you. Don't ever talk to me like that again or you'll wake up in the worst jail ever and be waterboarded for the hell of it. That's legal now, if you didn't notice. I don't have to answer to you or to anybody. Why do you think I wanted this job? I helped steal the 2000 election for a moron but he could be managed to advantage by the real power. Reagan was another prop and tool for those same forces. Nixon was a loose cannon by our standards and went soft on the commies and you saw what happened to him. We kept Obama from accomplishing anything. He had to hang his hat on a fucking healthcare bill. Mitch McConnell, who actually thinks he has some power, was useful in curtailing Obama but he's not an insider. I mean, look at the guy. And Trump? My God, what a piece of shit.
I: More, please ...
JR: Look at what we did to Clinton. He governed like a moderate Republican but we still had to teach him and the liberal establishment a lesson. Do you think it was legal the way we pursued him, fueled by Mellon money and boundless determination? How do you get from Whitewater to Monica Lewinsky? Not legally, I'll tell you that. We made it open-season on Clinton. That's not legal. Now it's open season on anybody we disagree with so I say again, mind your manners. We know where you live. You have a family, don't you?
I: I don't appreciate that.
JR: You're not supposed to. Get a clue. This is pure authoritarianism. This is what it looks like. You have no rights at all. Nobody ever did, really. It was always a ruse that served the interests of the wealthy. We were playing the game as it best suited us and for the long run. But everything has changed. When we needed cheap labor we got it. Unlimited cheap energy, we got it. Unions were a joke. Sure, we couldn't treat workers like slaves anymore and have them die in droves from black lung or whatever but we still made out like bandits. Trump thinks he's a deal-maker. What a joke. We perfected it ages ago. Start out at twice what you want and fall back by 20% or so and say the other side, representing the rabble, drove a hard bargain and walk away with an unimaginable win. It was pure exploitation. Do you think it makes sense to burn through the world's irreplaceable oil reserves like there's no tomorrow?
I: Aren't you a Christian of at least a Catholic? Don't you care about anything?
JR: My God, you're dense. Religion was part of the thing. Part of the scam. It helped us, enormously, to keep the 'common people' in check and happy and grateful to have the bones we threw them. Opiate and all. Do you think we're close-minded or ideological? We have no ideology, at all. We use whatever works. Pure power lust, because we deserve it. That's what it's about. And it's all changed now, because of technology. We don't need to humor anybody anymore. That's why I can talk to you like this, because I have all the power and you have none. You live at my tolerance and pleasure. Don't forget it. We will mostly let average people live -- we're not totally without scruples -- but they better behave. We have unimaginable power. Surveillance tech. Killing whoever we want like in a video game. Send in a little drone and blow your house up. With your whole family in it. It's fantastic.
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to quit playing this game and pretend we care about anything but ourselves. I'll give you time to digest this. It's been fun. Feel free to contact me again. I can't believe how great it is to not have to pretend anymore and exercise unlimited power without restraint. Go in peace and be thankful I don't feel threatened by you because I could kill your ass but I'm a softy by the standards of my peers.
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