Ted Cruz needs uncrazy and corporate-friendly credentials and a woman. Aha! Carly Fiorina. But he could have chosen me.
I would have really balanced him out:
I believe in reason, not revelation.
I don't like blowing things up.
I will provide jobs--in our country.
I want better wages and working conditions.
I will build infrastructure--in our country.
I believe that people have rights even after they are born.
I am more feminine in outlook than Fiorina.
Ted, I am willing to talk his through with you. I can save you from yourself and your falsely perceived destiny as a suicide bomber for Christ, chosen to obliterate the apostate, materialistic, godless government of our country.
Feel it, Ted. The weight is lifting from your shoulders.
See the light of reason--God's reason, as it happens. You can be saved, Ted, truly saved, and live a life as described in the Bible and promoted by Christ, a life of love and integrity and caring for others.
But this can only happen if you choose me.
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