I heard that the Republicans had realized they could just as easily buy Democratic mailing lists and, having a lot of spare cash sitting around, were going to start sending stuff to Democrats. I have received the following:
NOTICE OF DISENFRANCHISEMENT AND/OR IMPEACHMENT AND REVOCATION OF THE RIGHTS OF CITIZENSHIP
Dear Mr Flanagan or Current Registered Democrat Resident:
This is to notify you of the revocation of your rights of citizenship.
You are hereby disenfranchised. You may also be impeached, depending upon your individual circumstances. You may remain in your current job and/or residence pending further notification. Continue to function as normally as possible. Enjoy every day as if it were your last.
Just to be on the safe side. If you have enough money to buy food, good for you. You may want to stock up and prepare to defend your stash against hungry individuals. You can be assured that, should someone come after your food, they are not Republican.
And can therefore be killed. We, the PROVISIONAL GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY, LLC (incorporated in Madagascar and Belize, formerly known as THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA) and our adherents have lots of food.
We will be confiscating all firearms in Democratic hands. It shouldn't take long. If you have a gun and conceal it from us you will be killed. You may be killed anyway. We have drones and have been practicing on Muslims. We do not mean you any harm but you know our record.
Lots of collateral damage. We really like to blow stuff up, so don't tempt us in any way, and pray that we don't receive any faulty intelligence on you concerning WMD's or whatever. We shoot first and check things out later, if ever. We're just awash in intel.
We have completely deregulated and privatized everything and we have no idea what the result of that will be. Your guess is as good as ours. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. All that deregulation and such is an article of faith with us and it had to be done.
Best bet is that there will be an intense spell of spontaneous deconstruction and social decomposition followed by an amazing regenerative phase fueled by all the old infrastructure rotting into the social and economic equivalent of shit. Do you understand?
If you convert to Republicanism you will be well cared for while we look into it. We have learned how to do this through the use of MRI technology, certain parts of the brain looking different on the scans once true conservative thinking has taken root.
The parts responsible for empathy, for example. Or we may just waterboard you. Don't try to fool us. You must be sincere. We do not tolerate dissent very well. You have seen this already and we're way more serious about it now that we have taken control of everything.
This decision has been automatically appealed and you have lost, so forget that. Really, we don't wish you any particular harm, but we felt that way about Iraq and look what happened to them, so please don't fuck with us. You will regret it if you do.
Best Wishes,
Edward Allan Walter Philip Hernando Chewbacca Smith, Esq
Regent and Prefect of Your Local Administrative District
Is this a hoax? Should I be concerned?
Be advised that our army of lawyers, accompanied by millions of black people, is now preparing for an assault on your army of lawyers and the few terrorized white people pulling your strings. We shall not be deterred.
ReplyDeleteNow therefore and hereby!