Once Upon Many Mattresses

I have a dream. I have a number of them but one is than Donald be made a dame. Consider that he clearly thinks he's royalty, he seems to need accolades more than anyone ever, and that he lacks the upper lip (stiff) to be made a Lord. I say we go for dame.

This is part of an attempt to appease Trump and short-circuit his destructive tendencies. Another is to put him on a path for sainthood but clearly that's a longer shot since we have an idiot, liberal, and obviously woke and Democratic pope in there at present.

And, think of what a good fit dame-hood is! Trump's princess tendencies are manifest. He's a princess in pea-world. And, just as obviously, a man of many mattresses, in different ways. I mean, Trump is so sensitive he detects peas before they're even there!

He anticipates them. Then he tries to neutralize them as any proper dame would, in defense of his holy self (and the realm). I think the hair, kind of a bouffant, is highly dame-worthy. He struts around like royalty, loves gold-colored everything and tries to improve the world. 

Just by being in it, though the world sometimes doesn't appreciate the privilege. How fortunate it is to have Herr Trump in it! He has German and Scots heritage like so many royals. He's combative as shit, a sure sign of his insistence on maintaining high standards. 

Dame Donald, we salute you!